Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Downhill

I am feeling so drained and burdened by this game, Haypi Kingdom. I regret making my own alliance. Wanted to play without any responsibility but I had also wanted to see who would come back. I feel honored and very grateful for them coming back, but it feels like I am being used again. Like Jana, she I feel, doesn't like me. All I have been was very nice and helpful but her replies are extremely short and feels like it was forced. Maybe it is just me over analyzing everything. She is after all, very busy prepping for her husband's return to home. I am very happy for her as I am with Foreverrun. He has patched things with his girlfriend! Yippie!

OH WELL! WOW has finished downloading and I am just waiting for Lo to come and play with me. For Haypi, I feel like dismissing the entire alliance just to be free again. But it would be very mean to do so. However, Lo and I will make our final attack once we have our troops ready. Our secret friends are awaiting our return to the top and that is why I am trying to keep a down low for now.

I am craving for hot chocolate. I may buy a cup tomorrow during my school day.

---
Recent news, I need to find a stress reliever. My mom's voice will give me a stroke one day soon. She is constantly negative and her yells goes on forever! I need to move out and be on my own. She makes life so dark when its not suppose to be. I can feel the vein on my neck tightening and moving more so whenever she opens her mouth. I love her, but she makes me want to hate her. I wish it were not the case. When things are going smoothly, she thinks up something in her head and gets herself mad. Then she targets whomever is near her and thinks up more bad stuff and takes it out on the poor victim. Then she basically makes a moutain over a mole hill, if it were a mole hill. She usually finds a little speck of dirt and turns it into a giant mass of mud where she keeps adding more water to keep it going. I do fear that when I move, my parent's fights will turn very ugly. They fight violently and it is always me who get in the middle to prevent them getting hurt. I always get the blows because I block. I wish things were different.. No one believed me when I was younger but at least Lo saw what goes on in my home. Its like the a hidden grenade. One misstep will cause massive damage in my home. We always trend carefully around my mother.

I don't like feeling so negative. Its making me dizzy. I need Lo here with me to bring the sunshine in. He is currently very busy with many final projects and essays. Poor fellow! On a different topic, Melody has this great idea of utilizing a website for her wedding! It is so sweet and very clever! There, she has the story of the couple, the story of how they met, the proposal and wedding information. I love it! I will definitely use a website for my wedding! Thanks Melody! I just read her postings there and it is very sweet! <3 And very cute! I love, love in general! It makes me very happy to know and definitely see true, unselfish and uninhibited love. It makes me wonder if I am good enough for Lo. I am sadly, selfish. But I try and try again to remember that it is not just my life anymore that I am living. I am living with Lo and we are a team (though I enjoy my team leadership! jk).

ps. Because of my room change, I misplaced my camera so I can't post any pictures up. Oh poo

No comments:

Post a Comment